I am a lucky girl. I was raised by two amazing parents. I didn't have a tough childhood, but I know lots of people who weren't as lucky as me. Some are my age, some younger, and some a lot older. One thing I learned is that it doesn't matter how old they got, if they had issues with their parents they never truly outgrew them.
When I look at my daughter and think of what some of these parents did to their kids, it makes me cry. I could never, ever, EVER imagine putting anything ahead of her. She is the most important thing in my life and raising her to be a good-hearted, strong, loving and independent woman is now my life's purpose. Unfortunately, not every person has that same idea when it comes to raising their children.
Without giving away identities, I am extremely close with a person who is in his 50's and is a very successful businessman, a loving dad, grandfather, husband, friend, son-in-law, father-in-law and person. If you didn't know him, you'd have no idea that he was dealt a crappy hand when it came to parents. He hides it well but deep down, he wants a relationship with his parents and who could blame him? He was abandoned by his parents at 16 but before that, they were far from great parents. (Abusive, alcoholic, greedy, etc.)
I wouldn't be who I am today if it wasn't for my parents and truth be told, he probably wouldn't be either. He's the kind of person that lives by the motto "You don't think I can do this? Well watch me do that and more." And he does it. If he wants something, he manages to go out and get it. Maybe it was because he had no choice but to be successful in his life or maybe its because he thinks being successful will make him good enough for his parents, I honestly don't know and I don't think he does either.
No matter how much money he has or how much he is loved by his family there is a small hole in his heart that will always be void because of his crappy parents. He doesn't let it bother him most of the time but every once in a while, it does and how could it not? His mom doesn't call him EVER. Not even on his birthday or Christmas or any other holiday for that matter and even at 50-something, you can tell it upsets him. All he wants is a 3 minute phone call, once a year and she can't (or won't) do it.\\
It's hard to see such a strong person, hurt so much by the person he loved first in his life. The trouble is she loves him the way she thinks she should. Right or wrong, that's how she must see it. Maybe she thinks he's better off without her? Or maybe she doesn't think he needs her but no matter how old you are, you never outgrow your need for your mom. Maybe it's just human nature, but there's something about that mother-child bond that is a necessary part of life. Even when your mind says let it go, your heart can't.
What I've found is that you don't have to be the best or most perfect parent ever... even though mine definitely are and that's why I'm so awesome, duh (; ... BUT you just have to be there, be present. You don't have to buy your kids whatever they want, you don't have to spoil them, you don't have to do much when it comes to materialistic things because in the end, those things are just things. (and over spoiling your kids will mess them up worse if you're not present anyway) What a child needs is a parent (preferably both) who's there... what's that quote? 90% of life is just showing up... Well it couldn't be truer for parenting.
I know I'm just the mom of an 8 week old baby, but knowing what I know and seeing what I've seen from friends and family with crappy parents and with good parents, showing up is the difference. My mom (and dad a lot of the time) was at every parent-teacher conference, every basketball game, every little league game, every field trip, everyday when I got home from school, every time I needed someone to talk to, every time I got in trouble, every time I needed a hug, every time I fell down... you get the picture, they were always there.
I'm a lucky kid who grew up to be a pretty decent person and now I get to do my best to be a good parent to my little one. I hope I can continue the cycle and be there for my daughter (and future kids) everyday for the rest of my life.
